NEW YORK — Exactly 12 months ago, citizens of the world woke up to a new rule of law. Fueled by the Pantone-jacket rallies that began in Washington, DC six months prior—so-called because of the impeccably colored jackets worn by the protestors—the historic global coup sought to topple the rapid rise of extremism, political fanaticism, and veganism; and institute a new world order placing the goals and ideals of creatives around the world at the center of the global political arena.
What began with graphic designers bemoaning the senseless proliferation of Comic Sans as the preferred font by nearly every client, led to writers and editors protesting the inclusion of “shookt” and “stan” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then came the illustrators and artists campaigning against the absurd ban on black ink on the basis of racism. Soon, photographers, actors, directors, dancers, and other artists and creatives joined the Creatives Revolts, a protest meant to bring the issues of creatives into the public eye.
The DC demonstrations inspired copycat rallies in other world capitals such as London, Berlin, and Paris, A month later Moscow, Budapest, and Rome joined, all connected by the hashtag #WhenCreatorsRuleTheWorld. By the end of last year, Creatives Revolts were happening in 105 countries which brought businesses and governments around the world to a standstill.
With all creatives out in the streets, there was no one left to write speeches and tacky reelection scripts. No one could crop photos or airbrush complexions. Offices all over the world had to settle for Word Art, while TV and radio stations remained off the air.
This went on for six more months before all heads of government agreed to a mediation at a Starbucks which, after three hours, eventually fell through. And after a global referendum, citizens of the world agreed in unanimous fashion to let creatives rule the world.
Michael Richards describes himself as a writer, editor, and yoga teacher and the face of the Creatives Revolution. Now, the 28-year-old and Pokemon Master Trainer has become house speaker of the global senate. For the first time since creatives took power, Richards agreed to speak to the media in a brief, exclusive interview.
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PI: It’s been a crazy 12 months for you. A little over a year ago your office was the corner Starbucks where you would order a tea and proceed to have it refilled with hot water several times throughout the day just so you could use the Wi-Fi. You’re now the leader of 7.7 billion people, and in a position to affect a great deal of change in the world. What will be your short- and long-term goals?
MR: The first thing we want to do is to abolish is timesheets. Who the (expletive) invented that one? Everyone knows that the only time creatives actually fill their timesheets is 15 minutes before it’s time to submit it. No more of that nonsense. We both know Dave only spent 10 minutes creating that infographic and the remaining 50 minutes scrolling through Reddit. So why lie? He still got the job done. It’s going to be product-based output from now on.
We also have a growing initiative limiting client revisions. Because one revision; shame on me. Two revisions; shame on me, still, because I probably was procrastinating the first time. But three revisions, shame on you as we increase the rate by the power of ten for each succeeding revision.
Lastly, effective immediately we’re implementing a work-life balance initiative that will make it illegal for anyone to answer work-related emails, calls, or texts between the hours of 5:00 pm and 7:00 am. Anyone caught in violation will be banned from his or her nearest coffee shop or co-working space for life.
PI: The Creatives Revolution was a long time coming. What do you think was the straw that broke the camel’s back?
MR: First of all, clichés like that have no place in this post-creative revolution world. We’re better than that now—which is why we formally hired the Grammar Nazis and gave them unyielding power over the proper use of language. They have a short temper and can easily be triggered by an insubordinate comma, an obscene modifier that continues to dangle with reckless abandon, or—in this case—clichés that are just plain lazy.
PI: My apologies. Let me rephrase: What do you think pushed the revolution from a home-based initiative to a full-time venture?
MR: Creatives simply had enough. We had enough waiting for our checks to arrive, only to realize that nearly half went to taxes. We had enough with people thinking this was just a “phase” and that we would find a “real job” soon. This is a real job, ma! Go and tell my baby bro he can’t be a dump truck when he grows up!
We’re tired of people paying us in “exposure.” The first line of the Creatives Declaration of Independence is “Exposure does not pay rent!” for a reason. Exposure does not buy groceries. And it most certainly does not pay our expensive drinking habits and therapy brought about by our anxiety about not being paid well.
So to answer your question, it wasn’t one particular incident that drove the worlds’ creatives up the wall. It was the careful mash-up of everything that eventually made everyone stand up and say, “Where’s my damn check from that project that I finished six months ago?”
PI: Where do you see this new creative government going? Creatives now rule the world.
MR: We want to show the rest of the world that not everything’s about business. Sure, that’s important, too. But it’s creativity that fuels everything.
It’s creativity that designed the cars you use to drive your kids to school; it’s creativity that made the clothes you’re wearing, the books you read, movies you watch, and music you sing along to.
Creatives have ruled the world since God “created” light on the first day. He’s the OG. And he never waited for a cheque to arrive. We just want to get paid for it better now and on time. And stop paying us in gift certificates unless it’s from Uniqlo or H&M.
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